Sunday, April 30, 2006

The important things in life

hmmmm trying to do right...trying to teach my child the right things like...

Appreciate what you have because you could have real problems like those poor people that live in the in woods by the airport...they can't afford a real home.....but we can keep sending tons of money to help other countries. I would love to help the entire world...I just have a hard time walking past the starving families down the street to send my money elsewhere.

Learn that laughing at the kid who walks by because he is short is not nice and is shameful....he could be suffering from a debilitating disease that keeps him from growing...keeps him from doing what all 16 year olds should be able to do....

Learn that the "beautiful" people in life suffer like we do...they are sad, lonely and miserable as the rest of us at times.....

That money does not grow on trees and in this country the rich are getting richer, the middle class is disappearing as the poor get poorer and no one is doing anything about it.....

Just because something is important to you..does not mean it is important to everyone else...respect others, their dreams, their desires, their hopes and their feelings.

Everyone is special.......everyone has something to offer.....everyone has a purpose its our own job to take care of ourselves and be responsible for what we represent and portray to the world.

Judge yourself before looking at judging others...maybe the real problem is you not the others.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

As time goes on...

Today is family day...actually it is family weekend. My family is a very close one and there is nothing more special than family.

Steve has a game today and pictures with his T-Ball team. After the game we are all going to go to my cousins house for a birthday dinner for my aunt. After that the older kids are going to babysit the younger kids and then grownups are going to go to the casino to continue celebrate my aunts 65th birthday.

It should be fun. We will be going to a casino that I have never been to before. My family will be busy playing the machines as I will be busy people watching. My cousin and I will walk around and see what we can see. Steve is very excited he love's going to visit my cousins, his second cousins. He has a great time whenever we go.

At times my mind gets clouded with things that are not important and I forget for a moment that those things don't really matter....I come here and vent and feel much better. I have a great life; what people think about me in anyway doesn't matter; I know what I am and I am proud of what/who I am. Beyond that its all outside matter that I have to sometimes remind myself is not important.

I forget that I am in control of my happiness...sometimes I sabotage that by letting silly crazy things in....I guess most people do sometimes. I could delete my posts where I go off on silly things but they help remind me of these things.

For me being reminded that I am sometimes unrealistic and petty is good...because I need to try and not be that way so much and appreciate all that I am all that I have.

Friday, April 28, 2006

It just pisses me off

Why can't people just say what they mean and not lie and be deceitful. I don't go around and judge people by anything except who they are..who they present to me. I try to get to know people and form an opinion about how I feel. I let them know how that is...but why is it that most have to act like they are still in high school

....oh lets be friends, lets get to know each other, lets trust each other.....--Then some thing happens like they see your picture and oh whoops your not my definition of gorgeous so I will just blow you off because you don't deserve the respect I give the ant on the street by squishing you in your face...I would rather just blow you off and never speak to you again...that way I don't have to own up to my own jack ass judgments of you....

I am not gorgeous but I am also not hideous looking...if you care so much about how someone looks and your going to go online and want to be their friend then ask for their picture first and judge ahead of time before wasting everyone's time just so you can judge by a stupid ass picture.

Am I pissed I angry I sick of not being good enough because I don't look a certain way..YES...its not like I want to get married...Its NOT LIKE I ASKED YOU TO EVEN SPEAK TO ME.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Sometimes you just can't help but wonder....

A while ago I met this guy. He was divorced and has two kids, one the same age as Steve and one a little younger. I have not been looking to date but I have thought that the idea of having someone to hang out with would be nice. But as I have said before the biggest issue with that it is hard to find any guys that want to "waste" their time with here I sit...afraid to take chances and sometimes feeling very alone...

Anyway this guy and I did have dinner one was not a date.....It was a meet and talk kind of thing...I paid for my own dinner and it was dinner nothing more. What I found out was that he was still fact he had just moved out of the house he shared with his wife....He had spent new years with his wife and his wife's boyfriend and had even shared the marriage home with his wife and the new boyfriend for about a month....he was still very angry...I could hear it in his voice..see it in his eyes.

After that dinner he told me in email how nice I was, attractive, very caring etc...and he respected how I put my son first and that we should get together with the kids and get to know each other etc....etc.....etc...I felt it was slightly over the top....especially since we had only had one meal together...for what an hour....He also said he would be calling...he added me as his friend in the whole "myspace"...the more and more that I thought about it..the more and more the little red flags were bouncing up in my head...hmm to what to do if he called....

Well I am relieved and curious to report that I don't have to worry about that...I have been removed as his friend and have yet to receive a phone call from him....

So I am wondering about this power I have over men...they either cling real hard like my EX or run like hell like every other guy I talk to.....

Owell I guess it is a real good thing I am too nervous to get involved with anyone...that way I don't have to worry too much about my effect....

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Words of Wisdom from a 6 year old

Steve: "Mom when I am 13 I will be a big brother right?"

Steve: "Mom I need a step dad"
Me: "I think we are doing pretty good right, we have fun"
Steve: "Yeah we do but I still NEED a step dad"

Steve: "Mom you can get married and then I will have two moms and two dads and get lots of presents....thats what my daddy said"

Steve: "Mom I have two brothers right?, Leo & Lo...Leo is 30 and Lo is 80"
(I am older than I look)

Steve: "Mom do I have a brother?"
Me: "No honey"
Steve: "Yeah they are just pretent"

This is pretty typical

Steve: "Mom I am thirsty"
Me: "what would you like to drink?"
Steve: "Mom did you know that the T-Rex is a meat eater"
Me: "Yeah"
Steve: "Mom, I think I am really thirsty"
Me: "What would you like to drink?"
Steve: "Mom, T-Rex and Triceratops fight right?, Yeah because they do not like each other."
Me: "Yes that is right. What would you like to drink?"
Steve: "They are mean to each other right"
Steve: "Can I have some milk please?"

Steve: "Mom do dogs have whiskers?"
Me: "Yes they do"
Steve: "No they dont, just cats do"
Me: "Yes they do, Toby has whiskers" (Toby is our dog)
Steve: "No they don't I dont see them"

Whats the point..sometimes you really have pick your battles about things.....

Cake Story Ending... all turned out well. Everyone was very gracious..I told them all the whole story..they all thought it was very comical. No one complained about an undercooked cake but mmmmm I suspect that there were sections that were not cooked all the way through.

Thanks for your support and well wishes. Oh and I am sure I will attempt this again....the pleasing part of me can not say no if someone asks me to do it and then there is the pleasing part of me that almost jumps up and down with my arms waving in the air saying "pick me, pick me" when someone asks "who wants to bake the cake"..

So it is in my future to do this all over again!!

Stay tuned.

So whats new?

Time just flys by...whats new? Well I have been working on getting our system "stable". Not that there were real big issues in that we were in danger of failing miserabley...but some people did not TEST or tested the same way I did in that they verified that the process would run...but mmmmm I think that they forgot that knowing how everything is supposed to work and what results are supposed to result....they forgot to verify that resulting DATA...So the result was that I needed to work the weekend and late nights to find out why the processes that ran without fail did not produce the results that the ALL knowing users expected. Lets remember that they had over two months to verify the RESULTs...but I guess they wanted to make sure I was doing my part correctly and that the processes ran at all...

Ok no really - it was a bit stressful for a few moments....hours....really days but all is well that ends well and I colored my GRAY hair and no one is the wiser...All is good....but another suggestion to anyone who happens to be a user of programs that are supported by your IT group.....If you get a new version of this software that you use fact if you did not have it your job would be totally different...and you notice that things are not acting or looking or resulting as you would not wait till the last moment, days after experiencing these issues, days....critical hours before a HUGE deadline critical to MANY people to let your IT group know that there is a problem....Just a suggestion.

I am sure we all learned our lesson and next year will be much better.....Yeah right who am I kidding...Thank goodness it only happens once a year..whooooo. hopefully things are at point that I can catch up with the day to day pile that is gathering on my desk and in my inbox. Cheers!!!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The never ending cake story....

When we last left our cake the second pan was in the oven.

I baked both pans and they took longer than the timed amount...(remember that I added some from another cake mix). I kept checking them with a toothpick to see if they were done..and kept adding time. Finally both halves were done. I let them cool. Then it was time to take them out of their smaller pans and put the two of them into the NEW cake pan that I had just had a lid and everything.

Well I tried and tried to gracefully remove the cakes out of the pan that had been their home. I had greased the bottom of the pans as recommended but still the stubborn little things would not come out. Ok I probably could of cut them in half and gotten them out ...but I did not want to "ruin" my masterpiece cakes. So I decided leave them where they were to frost and decorate them right there.

Two worries for me....ok maybe 3...I had baked them in with a Jet air oven.....never done that before...I was slightly afraid that maybe they were still not completely done.....and I was slightly afraid that they might be burnt on the bottom (although the oven cooks top down)....of course a 4th thought is just that the taste may not be good....maybe even bad.

Ok so worries aside it was time to frost and decorate the cakes. I frosted them no problem. I had bought some of those candy letters and stuff to write happy birthday and some decorative frosting to write the persons name. On one cake I wrote "happy birthday Name" and on the other I wrote the age. The letters are candy....stuck to paper...on some of the candy. the paper would not come off. Owell what's a little paper between friends huh.

Ok now it was time to wrap them for the night. What to do...hmmm the cake pan with the lid was perfect, only not anymore. So I would put some plastic wrap on them but it would stick to the frosting and the frosted letters. Ohh toothpicks would work on keeping the plastic wrap away from the top.....oh great I only had 3 left. Ok what to was late Steve was asleep, my brother was not home it was not like I could just run up to the store AGAIN. I know...spaghetti would work...break off some and put it in the cake to hold the plastic away from the top. No one would ever have to know. Finally they were wrapped and it was off to bed.

I think I might have had nightmares about the cake just being really gross. When I was getting them ready to go...I broke off one piece of the spaghetti...ohh luckily I was able to get the stuck piece did not break off that far down.

On the way to work this morning I decided to buy another cake just in case. I dropped Steve off at morning daycare and went to the store.....whoops I left my cash card in my jacket from my two walks up to the store the night before....GREAT now I can't get a cake. I looked in my wallet..just in case I had some cash. I had to have enough for the lunch out for the birthday as well as the cake....wheeeww luckily I had enough cash..funny thing is I rarely have cash.

I got the new cake and went into work. We set out the table for the celebration that would take place in a few hours...finished just in time to get notified that the person had called in sick...they were not going to be would all have to wait till tomorrow.

Like I said the story that never ends.

I have frugal hair

I do not spend alot of money on myself. Never have and probably never will. Some might have the opinion that I am cheap on myself. I am, I guess. I just don't see the point of spending outrageous amounts of money on myself. Material objects do not mean much to me and I am more comfortable being casual.

So once in awhile I spend a little more on a hair cut. But I have found that no matter where I go, how much I spend I get told the same thing. My hair is dry by their standards and it needs to be cut more than I like to have it cut.

This weekend I went to get a trim and the stylist was going on and one about the shampoo I use and how my hair is dry etc...I really just wanted to "alright already..cut and leave me alone. I happen to like my hair most of the time."

Anyway she recommended a new shampoo for me to is Biolage. By some standards its not expensive...too me it is. Anyway it was on "sale" so I bought some and some deap conditioning of the same name. I used it 3 days in a row.....Yesterday my hair WAS SOOOO dry and fly away I was disgusted with it.

Today I used my old reliable Herbal Essance hair hair was soft, shiny and NOT dry and fly away. It is $3.99 a bottle at its most expensive.

Yup I've got frugal hair.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I am an idiot

No really sometimes I really have to wonder about myself.

Today we were talking about plans to do an office celebration of a co-workers birthday for tomorrow. The person that had offered to bake the cake backed out...I piped right up and said that I could do that no problem.

Not a problem, how hard is it to bake a cake right. Well we don't have an oven at our house. There is one here but we have not used is pretty gross and we figure it’s not worth trying to clean it up. So we don't have a real oven. What we do have is called a jet oven, its round and the biggest thing you can put in it is a 12" pizza tray.

So then I had to decide what kind of cake I was going to bake. I am not one to really plan ahead for the grocery store. I know what I need, what I want but the details of that...well I just kind of grab and go with whatever it is. It has gotten me in trouble more than once.

So Steve and I walk up to the store and I grab a cake and a glass cake sheet pan to take in with me tomorrow. My thought is that I have two rectangle pans that I bought to bake the brownies in - So I will use those and put the two sides together in the big cake pan.

I get home and realize that I do not have any beaters for the cake, and then I find that the two rectangles sides are too big for both fit into the pan. So Steve and I walk back to the store and I get a set of beaters and I get another cake thinking that the two pans at home will be too big for one cake mix, so I will mix two cakes and then bake the two pans and cut enough to fill the cake pan for work.

So I came home mixed cake number 1...a white cake...whoops messed that up too because instead of the just the egg whites I mixed the whole egg so my white cake is now yellow. So then I poured the mix into the two pans. Then I mixed cake number 2 - it was a German chocolate cake...I am thinking ok I can make a marble cake...

I poured the chocolate cake mix over the two pans...and kind of mixed them together in a swirl like way. I baked them both...and they rose and rose and rose...yeah the one cake probably would have been enough. I put the left over chocolate cake mix in a little pan and baked it up.

At least since both halves wont fit in the cake pan I can at least taste it to see if it is ok before I expose my co-workers to my experiment.

The other reason I am on oil light came on today..because my oil is low in my 2004 car. How does that happen you ask? Because I am an idiot who has not gotten the oil changed in her car for months and months.....Like I have the money to buy a new engine or a new car. So I got some oil to top it off and I am taking the car in on Saturday to get it changed. Geesh.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Word for word and no less

Today I got a call from a user trying to set up the upgraded version of her desktop application.....there was an instruction sheet on her desk that she was trying to follow.

User: "I am trying to follow the instruction sheet and it says to select EDIT and then Options...but I don't have Options, its not there."

Me: "What do you have under EDIT"

User: "I have customize and options" OKAY...

Me: "Ok then just click on Options".......

User: "Ohhhhhhhhhhh"

well then I guess we need to give better step by step.....word for word instructions, no less.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Today is Friday?

Oh I was thinking yesterday was Friday the 13th all day......owell I guess it was just pseudo Friday the 13th.

This we week upgraded two applications at work. One was pretty major and the other not so much. But if either went wrong it would have been major. Luckily my weekend efforts last weekend did not indicate how the rest of the week would go.

The errors I was having this last weekend were still there when I went in early Monday morning. I sent an email to our DBA/System admin first thing about the first error. But before she even had time to respond I found out what was wrong and corrected it. It was something that probably should have been done before I started but no big thing I got it resolved. I had another error over the weekend but I did not know until I had the first error resolved if they were related. I quickly found that they were not related. This error I had to report to our software vendor. So I opened the support ticket, talked to the person working on the ticket and continued to look for the resolution myself. Before the person got back to me with researching the problem I had already corrected that problem and 3 more. It was kind of funny when I got the call from the support guy because I had already sent him two updates in email and he called and said "Oh that error resides in this just need to recompile that program"...yes that is done.

We were able to release this upgrade to our users at least a day early. We did run into some other problems after users started working but they were all resolved by the end of day yesterday. They were things that did not show up in our test environment....not surprising there are always some things that are "different" between the two environments.

The second upgrade took maybe 15 minutes yesterday morning. Most of our users will be using that version next week. The backend software upgrades are not such a big issue for the users what really throws them for a loop are the GUI front end interfaces they really have a hard time dealing with those.

I think some of us "ME" have a hard time remembering what its like not to really get the concept of "Press any key" - to me ok press any key on my keyboard. Some of our users really do ask "where's the ANY key?". Computers are intimidating to some people and after you use them for awhile you forget. Its hard to pull back and remember that.

BUT we sent around some instructions on how to change some settings on the desktop application telling the users exactly how to change them....step by step..."Change the settings as shown below" and there were people who unchecked the wrong 2 check boxes...there were only 4 to choose from and we had a picture to show which ones. One users even said "The picture did not match the words" Oh my goodness - there is a box that says "Connection settings" with two check boxes under it. We said "Inside the box Connection Settings uncheck the two check boxes as shown below"..... This person and others unchecked 3 of the four boxes on the page...only two were in the location that said "Connection Settings". This user uncheck the two not within the box we displayed and only one within. PLEASE.

Oh here is another word of advice for any users out there.....if your major application just went through an upgrade and you are asked to start using it again and report any problems - report them when you experience them not like the following:

User "Hey this is just a heads up, all day (3:00 pm in the afternoon) we have been getting this error when performing this process"

Gee you think you should report the problem after it happens the first time...even the second time...3rd...

User "I am trying to logon and I followed the directions and the screen says "busy" its been saying that for the last HOUR". This is a process that takes seconds. The user did not click on the ICON to complete the logon process.

My friend and I both support these users with these applications. For the last several months we have been in the lab working testing the new versions....and I have been working there for over a year now and we get a call on the speaker phone..."Hi Kylee is Kelly there?....Kelly I can't find the shortcut on my desktop for that application...did that change" HEY what am I chopped liver. If Kelly had not been there the person would have either said "Ok just have her call me back".

Oh...all those things were yesterday.

Today is the last day of Steve's spring break. I have today off with him. We were going to go to the zoo but its rainy here so I am going to take him to the new ICE AGE movie. That should be fun. We went to a small carnival earlier in the week and practiced T-ball in the back yard.

Anyway I hope you all have a GREAT WEEKEND

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


When I left my x husband, leaving him was not was everything and everyone else. I mean he had told me almost 3 years prior that he did not want to be without my mind that was why we were still together anyway. My issues were my son, my step daughters, my sister in law and nephew and my mother in law.

When I look at this woman I swear there is a halo above her. She is an angel in so many ways. I broke down when I saw her the last time....I was on my way home and the feeling of loss was overwhelming. The thought of what she might be thinking about me...the reasons she was told as to why I had left......not having her support and love in my life.....not being able to share Steve with her as a family together.....all that was very hard for me to deal with.

We share emails...back and forth...just about Steve, what he wants for Christmas, for his I post for them to have. There is never a lot of dialog in these emails...and I know why..her baby is my ex husband....she will always be supportive to him that is just who she is.....I know if Steve or even I ever really needed anything she and FIL would be there.....but now it is what it is.

I talked to my x SIL today..I just love her too. One of the last things that I felt cheated about with my x is that we did not get to visit my SIL for her sons first birthday.....He is going to be 4 this year and I haven't seen him since he was 2....she says I will always be her sister xlaw. Our sons look amazingly alike...she says that at times she looks a Lucas and sees Steve...I miss that.

She was telling me that my x FIL is battling two types of cancer right now. Of course I had not been told this before. I knew there were issues but not what they were. MIL had said that there were medical issues...but she did not elaborate. I feel for her and what she must be going through. I wish I could be there to support her. I think I will have Steve make a picture and send them a card...not from me but from him..thinking of Grandparents or something.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Mariners - DAN WILSON

Wow what a guy. Last night we went to the Mariners game it was Dan Wilson farewell night. He was a Mariner for 12 years. A great catcher and a great person for the city of Seattle and the State of Washington. He and his wife have been involved in charity organizations in the city for the entire time they have been here. This is their home and they are not leaving us.

From the moment I saw him I thought he was special. He is beyond cute...but he always seemed to be the one that supported his team -everyone, each player. Last night was a grand tribute to him and his wife. In his speech, he made it very clear that he appreciated all that his wife provides to him. He said that none of his accomplishments could have been possible without his wife Annie. She supported him through it all and took wonderful care of their family while he was away for the 137 or so games a year. He said he is a man of faith and I believe he lives true to that.

When I was in Arizona going to school - I really did not like being there, I almost hated it. The only part I enjoyed every year was Spring training. The Mariners spring training was the highlight of my 3 year school career there. I could not wait to come home but looked forward to the month when the Mariners would practice and play in Peoria. Back then it was the team of 95.....The first AL Championship that was won by the Mariners. Most of that team was the team I watched practice and play for those 3 years. That was during the beginning years of Dan's career with the Mariners. Who could have guess that he would stay for 12 years. Amazing.

They lost last night. And they did not do well last year...but the Mariners are wonderful and fun. For me anyway.

The Easter Egg hunt was wet and cold. It took us longer to get out to where it was than it took for Steve to do his hunt. But he was that is all that matters I guess.

We only stayed at the game till the 4th inning. We were there early for the presentation and Steve was cold and tired so we left. One of these days I will need to go without him so I can stay for the whole game.....Maybe I can do that when he is visiting his dad.

The poker part was almost non-existent. The neighbor did not make. I saw him for a moment this morning and he said he had to work late. Owell maybe some other time.

My early start on my work for next a big big flop- its not working and I don't know why. I will try to work on it tonight after Steve goes to bed...but hopefully it will all work out after I get to work tomorrow. UGGG.

I hope everyone has a GREAT WEEK!

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Its been one year

As of today April 8th. I have been divorced for one full year. Although I have been gone for 18 months.

According to Dr. Laura and my mom it is now safe for me to date...I have survived a full year of firsts...

Watch I come. YEAH RIGHT

Friday, April 07, 2006

Is it Monday yet??

No really...well maybe not really....

Today is my sisters birthday. We all went out to dinner together. She is much better not at a 100% yet and can't eat pizza yet, but much better.

Today is the start of Steve's spring break. Today at school he wrote two papers. One was about what he wanted to do on his vacation...his answer "see his dad". He knows he is not going to see him and he seems ok about that....but..

The second was about something that is special to him...guess what it is "ME". Yes this is his story word for word...letter by letter as he wrote it;

By Steve
My famulee book
my mom is speshl to me.
I like my mom becus shy plays with me.
we play to together.

Oh yeah made my day.

The weather in Seattle has been WONDERFUL. My friend and I have walked all but one day this week during our lunch. Its been wonderful. We have been getting ready for next week when we are scheduled to do the upgrade. I am going to start this weekend if I can. In fact I tried to start tonight and quickly got shut turns out the account I am using does not have the rights it should....and IT SHOULD. Owell I will just have to call the person that can fix it for me tomorrow. I hate having to call that person during the weekend but we all know what is going on is to be expected as a possibility.

Tomorrow is supposed to be Steve's second T-Ball game but he is going to be missing it because we already had plans to go to an Easter Egg hut put on by my sisters company. I kinda felt bad when I told the coach he was not going to be there..but then again they just made the schedule last week and well families do make plans right??? Anyway there are still 11 other games for him to play in. I think it will be ok.

We are also taking my sister to the Mariners game tomorrow night for "Dan Wilson" farewell night. That should be fun. I am sure that Steve and my sister will both be tired after our long day so we probably wont stay the whole game but that is ok. It will be fun.

My brother is having a poker part tomorrow night so when we get home...all the poker players will be here. Oh yeah and he invited our neighbor...hmmmmm

I heard a funny story today..

A guy goes into an Indian Restaurant with some friends. He has never eaten at one before so he is not sure about the food. He likes spicy foods and his friends have assured him that Indian food is usually pretty spicy. He orders his food and the waiter asks him...
Waiter: "Would you like that spicy or as is"
The guy thinks that he should be safe: "I will have as is"
The guy gets his food and its really spicy..its more spicy than anything he has ever eaten. His friends are giving up their waters for him. He finally askes the waiter...:"Whats up with this food, I thought this was mild"...
The waiter said "Well you ordered hazardous"

Gotta watch those accents huh.

Anyway since tomorrow is pretty full I will probably start the upgrade as long as my permissions problem gets solved on Sunday...I can't wait till its over and done..successfully!!

Have a GREAT weekend!!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


Well Steve played T-ball last night. It was a huge success. He was so excited. Monday night we were late trying to meet up with the coach to get his uniform so we had to be at the field early to get it. I thought Steve might fall asleep in the car on the way to the field and then not want to participate. But we talked the whole way and he was more than excited to get there and put on his new uniform.

He said "Mom..I am REAL baseball player" He looked so cute in his uniform.

They played 3 innings. He hit the ball right handed twice and then hit the ball a third time left handed. He's a switch hitter 8).

There were no bench warmers. All the kids hit each inning and each kid played the field each inning.

Once when the other team was on the field it was like a swarm of bees following the ball. They all went after it coming from all directions. It was very cute.

I was and am so excited for him. He had so much fun. He is still VERY tired from all that running around. It was great!!

they only have 12 more games to go ..I know WOW.

Oh yeah and while the T-Angels were playing...the Mariners were playing the real Angels and the Mariners won - WAY to go MARINERS!!!

Monday, April 03, 2006

Day in and Day out

There is a person I see day in and day out during the work week. We are stuck with each other all the time. Sometimes you think that someone would get sick of me...spending all that time with me..the mood swings , the swearing, the stressing and the all out crazy making....well its not really like that....but then I had to try and make it just a little interesting to read.

I think we would both be lost without each other...or at least I would be lost without her. Right now we share HER office...someday within the next 6 months I will get my own that will be far away..what am I going to do??

Anyway.....I wanted to give her this tribute...since working with her is such a joy, fun, fulfilling and such a blessing. She supports everything I do..and I only hope I support her efforts half as much as she supports mine!!

She is not only my co-worker but she is also my dear and close friend. This last year has built a friendship of a lifetime that I feel very lucky to be a part of. I am once again blessed.

Thank you!!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

The end of another weekend....

Well I have to take back what I said before...I know now what has been ailing me and its just a bit early...This took me way by surprise. I am feeling better but it really does suck to have such irrational feelings. Being a female sucks big time.

My sister is recovering fine. Can't wait to eat her first pizza. Next weekend is her birthday and Steve and I are going to take her to the Mariners game. I love baseball. I love the Mariners. Its Dan Wilson farewell night...sad to see him go he is a great catcher and he's cute.

Steve is slightly better. We skipped T-Ball practice on Saturday. He did great during the last practice. His first game is on Tuesday but we shall see if he plays....he might not go through with it.

He has been sleeping in his own bed since the night he was 6. Its pretty amazing...I did not think he would make the transition so seamlessly. Every once in awhile he says he gets lonely when he sleeps alone...but he's got his tiger to keep him company he just has to hold on to it all night.

I ended up going out last night. It was my scheduled night out with my single mom friend for my once a month outing. Wasn't planning on going. My parents and my sister were not available for sitting with Steve......But my brother was home and not going anywhere..he is still recovering. Then I still didn't really want to go..the whole moody thing and then my single mom friend is no longer single. She has a new guy. She met him online on He went with us..he drove. Another young girl went with us. She is 22 and deaf. She is as cute as a button. She had a good time too. It was nice to hang out with them. Seeing someone deal with a handicap such as no hearing...really brings things into perspective. I mean gosh darn it what am I so down about. Why am I such a social phobic.....Things could be much more challenging. This girl is beautiful with a wondrous smile that permeates from within her. Its real and its strong. She lives on her own and takes care of herself......she does it all and she is so young. Wow....

Today we were thinking about going to the zoo again....but Steve didn't want to go anywhere....and I was tired so who am I to argue. I did laundry, continued to recover the house from last weekends birthday party and organized my closet.

This week is going to be another challenging week at work. The next two weeks (maybe 3) are actually going to be challenging because this week is the week before the upgrade, next week is the week I am performing the upgrade....then the week after. I am sure it will go ok...fine and good actually. I will just be glad when it is over. Of course Steve's spring break is right there in the midst of it all. If things go really well...maybe I will actually get to take some time off with him. Wishfull thinking probably.

For me I need to get over my fear of meeting new people.....whats the worst that can happen they find out I am a fraud, someone who is not really scared of her own shadow...gee big deal huh.

Steve told me this weekend that he NEEDS a step dad...where do kids get these ideas. Man. Owell I told him that I thought that the two of us were doing pretty good...and he said yeah..but a step dad would be nice. I hate to tell him that the idea of having that type of relationship with someone again does not even seem like a possibility to me. The idea scares me and is something I seem to be avoiding at all cost. I know I know...time

Anyway...I hope all is well in blogland. Have a GREAT WEEK.

Saturday, April 01, 2006


Well...its been a long week. Haven't felt much like surfing the net or anything else for that matter. Been working a lot getting ready for a big system upgrade at work. That on top of the daily issues that seem to arise as we go along.

Steve has still been fighting whatever everyone has been sick with. He does not have asthma but his system does have a low tolerance for chest congestion. So we are taking it one day at a time. My brother has been sick all week. I feel for him because I know how it feels besides Steve and I probably brought it to him since we were just sick with it.

Me...nothing wrong that I can pinpoint...but I do feel on edge and grumpy...I find myself apologizing to my co-worker, my brother and my son on a regular basis...I could use the excuse that it is a monthly issue but its not so that is not valid. I know my mood is irrational and just plan stupid...but there it is infecting every part of my being..I guess it helps that I recognize it and try to minimize its affects on others...but there it is. Feeling like this I wonder if I had more to do with the demise of my marriage than my ex...then I remember that he was the alcoholic and liked drugs...I am sure I helped...but I am equally as sure that his illness has a lot more to do with my oddness than anything. Maybe its as simple of myself fighting off that nasty little bug that has been around to everyone still.

My sister had surgery this week. She had her tonsils taken out. Being older recovery has not been too fun..but in the long run she will be fine.

I will try to get to visiting everyone this weekend.....although I haven't felt like surfing I have missed visiting you!!

Any maybe someday I will have something interesting to day.