Thursday, June 13, 2013

99 bottles of beer on the wall.....

or I mean 99 days left before I start the Seattle 3 day....

People ask me all the time why I am doing I doing it for someone? No not really I mean I don't know anyone what currently has breast cancer and it has not been something my family has had to deal with.  It is just something I want to do...almost need to do.  Call it a personal challenge, call it something I can do for myself while benefiting others.  Someday it might strike my family and friends and if a cure is found for this..then there can be more time and money spent finding a cure for the next, right?

I am doing this on my one wanted to do it with me or "could" do it with me. I am the quiet person, the one that does not like crowds..the one that has a panic attack about calling someone or talking in front of a big group of people or just one person I don't know.  This is the challenge I set before myself. Usually I would rather just sit back, hide and observe and not been seen or heard from. I guess I am trying to get myself out of my comfort zone.

There has to be some sort of purpose right....can't find it sitting and hiding.

Monday, June 10, 2013

15 weeks left

before I start the Seattle 3 day walk.  It is weird because I feel nervous about it but more anxious about having to wait 102 more day to start.

This weekend I was able to bring my fundraising total up and now have just over $500 to earn to make my minimum goal to participate in the event. 

I am still looking for something to spark me...something to really give me motivation in life.  I guess I feel depressed but I really can't put my finger on it.

I don't understand purpose and maybe I should be going to church but I have NEVER been to one that I don't feel totally uncomfortable and/or obligated to do more than I really can.

Even my posts are all over the place just like I feel. 

I really wish I could have 3 days off a week so that I can take care of all the things that need to be taken care of and still be able to relax and just have me time.

Life is exhausting and I really don't see what we are here for.  I mean I have to take care of myself and try to be good, healthy and happy for those around me because when you don't have the ones your love and/or you lose them it is SOOO very painful and I would never want that inflict that on anyone especially those that I love and care about.

Work to get paid, work at home, sleep and eat.....I guess that is one reason for me to do the Seattle 3 day ...a purpose outside of myself.  But what is the purpose of cancer.

I guess since I feel at odds with religion, probably partially because of the loss of a very close family member....I don't understand why God and Jesus would put us through all of this...what is being gained and/or learned. I feel like a lab rat sitting a spinning wheel.....

anyway week 15, 102 days left before the start.  I am almost there in my fundraising...need to step up the training.