15 weeks left

before I start the Seattle 3 day walk.  It is weird because I feel nervous about it but more anxious about having to wait 102 more day to start.

This weekend I was able to bring my fundraising total up and now have just over $500 to earn to make my minimum goal to participate in the event. 

I am still looking for something to spark me...something to really give me motivation in life.  I guess I feel depressed but I really can't put my finger on it.

I don't understand purpose and maybe I should be going to church but I have NEVER been to one that I don't feel totally uncomfortable and/or obligated to do more than I really can.

Even my posts are all over the place just like I feel. 

I really wish I could have 3 days off a week so that I can take care of all the things that need to be taken care of and still be able to relax and just have me time.

Life is exhausting and I really don't see what we are here for.  I mean I have to take care of myself and try to be good, healthy and happy for those around me because when you don't have the ones your love and/or you lose them it is SOOO very painful and I would never want that inflict that on anyone especially those that I love and care about.

Work to get paid, work at home, sleep and eat.....I guess that is one reason for me to do the Seattle 3 day ...a purpose outside of myself.  But what is the purpose of cancer.

I guess since I feel at odds with religion, probably partially because of the loss of a very close family member....I don't understand why God and Jesus would put us through all of this...what is being gained and/or learned. I feel like a lab rat sitting a spinning wheel.....

anyway week 15, 102 days left before the start.  I am almost there in my fundraising...need to step up the training.