99 bottles of beer on the wall.....

or I mean 99 days left before I start the Seattle 3 day....

People ask me all the time why I am doing it...am I doing it for someone? No not really I mean I don't know anyone what currently has breast cancer and it has not been something my family has had to deal with.  It is just something I want to do...almost need to do.  Call it a personal challenge, call it something I can do for myself while benefiting others.  Someday it might strike my family and friends and if a cure is found for this..then there can be more time and money spent finding a cure for the next, right?

I am doing this on my own....no one wanted to do it with me or "could" do it with me. I am the quiet person, the one that does not like crowds..the one that has a panic attack about calling someone or talking in front of a big group of people or just one person I don't know.  This is the challenge I set before myself. Usually I would rather just sit back, hide and observe and not been seen or heard from. I guess I am trying to get myself out of my comfort zone.

There has to be some sort of purpose right....can't find it sitting and hiding.

15 weeks left

before I start the Seattle 3 day walk.  It is weird because I feel nervous about it but more anxious about having to wait 102 more day to start.

This weekend I was able to bring my fundraising total up and now have just over $500 to earn to make my minimum goal to participate in the event. 

I am still looking for something to spark me...something to really give me motivation in life.  I guess I feel depressed but I really can't put my finger on it.

I don't understand purpose and maybe I should be going to church but I have NEVER been to one that I don't feel totally uncomfortable and/or obligated to do more than I really can.

Even my posts are all over the place just like I feel. 

I really wish I could have 3 days off a week so that I can take care of all the things that need to be taken care of and still be able to relax and just have me time.

Life is exhausting and I really don't see what we are here for.  I mean I have to take care of myself and try to be good, healthy and happy for those around me because when you don't have the ones your love and/or you lose them it is SOOO very painful and I would never want that inflict that on anyone especially those that I love and care about.

Work to get paid, work at home, sleep and eat.....I guess that is one reason for me to do the Seattle 3 day ...a purpose outside of myself.  But what is the purpose of cancer.

I guess since I feel at odds with religion, probably partially because of the loss of a very close family member....I don't understand why God and Jesus would put us through all of this...what is being gained and/or learned. I feel like a lab rat sitting a spinning wheel.....

anyway week 15, 102 days left before the start.  I am almost there in my fundraising...need to step up the training.