Saturday, April 14, 2018

It is just a thought....

Each and every day we have thoughts and feelings that define how our day will progress.

A person can wake up in the morning and "know" it is going to be a bad day.

How do they "know" such a thing?

Generally it is because they have a feeling about what the day will be like.

These feelings about a day, experience, situation, or even a person are compilations of our thoughts.

We choose what our thoughts are about the day, experience, situation or even a person.

To "feel" better about the day, experience, situation or even a person we have to recognize and then choose to change the thought that is giving us the "bad" feeling.

Most of the time we do not realize that we made a choice regarding the thoughts that we have had. We have to become aware of thoughts that we have when we feel bad so that we can change that thought.

We have the power to feel better; we just have to choose to change the thoughts that we do not like.

Changing our own truths is as "simple" as changing our thoughts.

It is a process and takes time and effort but the reward is worth it and beyond expectation.

It's only a thought, and a thought can be changed -- Louise Hay

Friday, April 13, 2018

What I believe....

For as long as I can remember I have felt the need to prove to others that I am worthy of their friendship and love. 

In relationships I felt that it would end at anytime. That other friends would be more fun or other females would be more attractive and exciting.

I believe that I created my own self fulfilling prophesy. I believed I was not good enough so I made it true. Even if the other person did everything in their power to convince me their feelings were true; my belief in myself was stronger so of course they did not truly feel that way. They could never convince me otherwise. Those that did not treat me well just confirmed my own thoughts the good ones never had a chance.

We have all heard the glass half empty or the glass half full; it all depends on what you believe. It is the same when thinking thoughts about ones self. I had to choose to think about myself differently to change the negative thoughts and believe in myself.

If I believe I am a worthy good person others can believe it too. My power is in my present moment.

It is amazing the difference I have felt within by just taking my negative thought pattern and changing it to a positive one.

Thursday, April 12, 2018

The need for positivity

The state of everything seems sad and dire if you listen and react to the news on a day to day basis as what is generally reported is done in a negative and dire way.

It was a daily thing for me to listen to the morning news to start my day. Most days it would leave me sad, scared, mad or stressed about something I heard.

At some point I realized that these feelings did not help me start my day in a positive uplifting light. I decided I had to either choose a different reaction to what I heard and saw on the news or I had to choose a different way of starting my day.

Now I sit and decide what positive thought will be my focus of the day. Some days are more difficult then others; some days it is taking my first negative thought of the day and changing it to a positive.

For instance..."it is a nasty grey and rainy day" becomes..."I see the sparkle in today's rain; I feel the freshness in today's wind; I see the beauty in today's grey sky. I feel warmth and brightness in my heart. I greet everyone with a smile. Today will be a great day!!"

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Cancer is here...

When I set out to do my first Susan G Komen three day walk I did it not knowing anyone personally going through the breast cancer fight. In November my younger sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has been diagnosed with Metaplastic Carcinoma a rare and aggressive type of breast cancer. Metaplastic makes up about 1% of all breast cancer diagnosis.

From the moment she told me her diagnosis I have felt very strongly that she will beat this. There are moments off doubt, of being scared that I am fooling myself but just moments.

This being an aggressive fast growing cancer that not only tends to grow back in the same location but also spread to different areas of the body she will undergo the full array of treatments. First she will have surgery then chemo and finally a chemo and radiation combination treatment.

Tomorrow is step one in her fight, the lumpectomy to remove the growing tumor. Then we wait a week to get the pathology report to find out if the cancer has spread and find out the full treatment plan.

We know for sure that the next year will be a long and hard one for her and all of us but I pray that it will be a one and done; that she will fight with all of her family along side her and heal to celebrate being cancer free next year.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Barely holding on....

I am not sure what that really means...except that I feel like I may just fall apart at any moment. I am unhappy, lonely and otherwise very emotional. It really sucks bad. It is not like I would ever do anything harmful to myself and anyone else...other than overeat and some other self-destruction behaviors such as that...I have been trying to do positive things for myself but it is a struggle for sure.

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and I made a dermatology appointment today for next week since I know my doctor will be on me for that.

I have been looking at counseling. So excited to try that again….NOT.  BUT something has to give feeling like I do and eating like I do is not good. I exercise and try to be fit but I am obviously not doing enough.

I feel so very lonely and I can NOT talk to anyone because whoever I talk to will take something personally and I already don’t feel like I have any real friends.  I know my fiancé loves me but he doesn’t get it either and if I talk to him he just tries to solve an immediate problem not a long term issue.  I avoid people because I can’t handle their problems right now and it feels like everyone has problems.  

Whatever this is it totally sucks and it feels so very awful, lonely and like it will never go away.

Right now every action, ever word, every day is a struggle and I really hate it because there is no good reason for it.

I don't blame everyone for not wanting to deal with me...I don't want to deal with me.

Sunday, February 09, 2014

Life is too short

Today is day 9 on the challenge and in those 9 days there were two rest days. I did not rest on the days specified but that doesn't matter it just matters that I have followed 9 day thus far. So good for me!!

I read an article yesterday that I could totally relate to - Life is Too Short: 10 Things Not Worth Tolerating

I found this very interesting and something I want to work on more for myself because I have issues with most of these things.....
1 - Being Unhealthy - this point deals with the things that we can control not those health issues that we can't control.  We can all control how much we eat, what we eat and whether or no we try to be active.  This is one I have been working on and have worked on in the past. My problem with this one is that I get complacent and stop paying attention to what I do.
2 - Inaction - facing things that I fear or feel guilty about. I have to take a look to really see why I do or do not do anything and figure out if my inaction is justified or something I need to push through.  I have really been working on this one the last year and 1/2. It is not easy pushing yourself out of your comfort zone but that is what I am doing all the time.
3 - Negativity - this is one that I really place on myself more than anything else. I judge myself in ways I would NEVER judge anyone else. It is really bad and I have done it all my life.
4 - Disorganization - this one is tough I feel very disorganized all the time and I am working on it and making progress on it at work at in progress.
5 - Chronic stress - it all fits here. I stress EVERYTHING
6 - Keeping up with the Joneses - This is not so much of my problem I know I can't do that sometimes it bothers me but mostly I look at what others have and don't understand how they can afford it.
7 - Thinking that perfect exists - Yeah I expect perfect out of myself even though I know that it s not possible.
8 - Everyone's opinion of you - this is another one that has been a problem all my life.  I read into everything and right now I don't think that most people even like me. I don't my two boys love me and my parents love me beyond that I just feel alone and not liked.
9 - A job you hate - I don't hate my job but I don't love it either.  They way I feel about my job is better than it was a year ago so that is good.
10 - Being financially illiterate - I could be worse in this areas but I was several years ago. I am getting better its a fight to get there.

These are all very good points and things I need to work on. 

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

Day 4

Based on the 30-day an challenge today was a day off but since day 2 was the totally awesome Seattle Seahawk Super bowl I had a bit too much of a party so I took yesterday off.

On Sunday I completed day 2 of the challenge and burned 1000 calories on the treadmill- I accomplished my goal that day!! Today I completed day 3 of the challenge and burned 500 calories on the treadmill.

I just have to keep the momentum going.

One day at a time......