My Truth
When I was 18 years old I had an abortion.
There I said it; it is out there and I am ok!!
Having an abortion is not something I am proud of; actually it has brought me a lot of shame and guilt over the years. But what I have come to accept slowly over the last couple of years was that I was doing the best that I could with what I had and what I believed at the time and that brings me peace of mind.
I know and accept that there are people in my life right now that would be shocked and disappointed maybe even want to disengage from me if/when they find out; and I am ok with that. If it happens it is meant to be. I also know that my mom would be heartbroken if she found out. She would be sad, mad and guilt ridden knowing that I did not feel safe enough to come to her. At this point in her life and in mine I do not feel the need to tell her. I know more about myself and her now that I know we would have worked through it; but at the time I could not see it; I was emerged in fear and felt more alone than I can even explain.
In the following couple of years I distended myself from those that knew about it. It was not spoken about I just knew they knew and my shame was too great for me to be me. Many of those people are still friends with each other now; I miss those relationships. I don't know for a fact that they judged me but I judged myself and that is all that mattered.
Although I feel shame, remorse and regret for the decision I made when I was a young 18 year old; I still believe in the right to choose. In my case it was not only a choice I made it was one I made with full suggestion and support of the father, the father's mother and sister. Their wishes are what likely pushed me to make my choice. I emphasize my choice because I take full responsibility for that and hope that they do for their own choices. For me I believe that if I had not had that option at that time I would have taken other drastic measures. I did it early and suffered much hurt from it; but I was still alive and I am not sure how I would have survived otherwise given my state of mind at the time.
I believe if we take away the right to choose we will lose beautiful souls that are here now; learning and living today. We need to work better at spreading love and support to all people to know that they are not alone; that they have other options that they can survive from and be safe with. Taking away the choice just pins those faced with this against the wall instead of helping them feel safe and in control of their own destiny. If I had been taught that I would survive this and be "safe"; not lose the love of my parents; I may have made a different decision. I believe helping our children learn to love themselves enough to know they are in control of their lives will help them and less will make the choice that I made; naturally things will shift and love will spread instead of fear.
My Truth!!
There I said it; it is out there and I am ok!!
Having an abortion is not something I am proud of; actually it has brought me a lot of shame and guilt over the years. But what I have come to accept slowly over the last couple of years was that I was doing the best that I could with what I had and what I believed at the time and that brings me peace of mind.
I know and accept that there are people in my life right now that would be shocked and disappointed maybe even want to disengage from me if/when they find out; and I am ok with that. If it happens it is meant to be. I also know that my mom would be heartbroken if she found out. She would be sad, mad and guilt ridden knowing that I did not feel safe enough to come to her. At this point in her life and in mine I do not feel the need to tell her. I know more about myself and her now that I know we would have worked through it; but at the time I could not see it; I was emerged in fear and felt more alone than I can even explain.
In the following couple of years I distended myself from those that knew about it. It was not spoken about I just knew they knew and my shame was too great for me to be me. Many of those people are still friends with each other now; I miss those relationships. I don't know for a fact that they judged me but I judged myself and that is all that mattered.
Although I feel shame, remorse and regret for the decision I made when I was a young 18 year old; I still believe in the right to choose. In my case it was not only a choice I made it was one I made with full suggestion and support of the father, the father's mother and sister. Their wishes are what likely pushed me to make my choice. I emphasize my choice because I take full responsibility for that and hope that they do for their own choices. For me I believe that if I had not had that option at that time I would have taken other drastic measures. I did it early and suffered much hurt from it; but I was still alive and I am not sure how I would have survived otherwise given my state of mind at the time.
I believe if we take away the right to choose we will lose beautiful souls that are here now; learning and living today. We need to work better at spreading love and support to all people to know that they are not alone; that they have other options that they can survive from and be safe with. Taking away the choice just pins those faced with this against the wall instead of helping them feel safe and in control of their own destiny. If I had been taught that I would survive this and be "safe"; not lose the love of my parents; I may have made a different decision. I believe helping our children learn to love themselves enough to know they are in control of their lives will help them and less will make the choice that I made; naturally things will shift and love will spread instead of fear.
My Truth!!
posted by Kylee at
6:40 PM
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