Monday, February 24, 2014

Barely holding on....

I am not sure what that really means...except that I feel like I may just fall apart at any moment. I am unhappy, lonely and otherwise very emotional. It really sucks bad. It is not like I would ever do anything harmful to myself and anyone else...other than overeat and some other self-destruction behaviors such as that...I have been trying to do positive things for myself but it is a struggle for sure.

I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and I made a dermatology appointment today for next week since I know my doctor will be on me for that.

I have been looking at counseling. So excited to try that again….NOT.  BUT something has to give feeling like I do and eating like I do is not good. I exercise and try to be fit but I am obviously not doing enough.

I feel so very lonely and I can NOT talk to anyone because whoever I talk to will take something personally and I already don’t feel like I have any real friends.  I know my fiancé loves me but he doesn’t get it either and if I talk to him he just tries to solve an immediate problem not a long term issue.  I avoid people because I can’t handle their problems right now and it feels like everyone has problems.  

Whatever this is it totally sucks and it feels so very awful, lonely and like it will never go away.

Right now every action, ever word, every day is a struggle and I really hate it because there is no good reason for it.

I don't blame everyone for not wanting to deal with me...I don't want to deal with me.

4 Comments:

Blogger bryan torre said...

hey - I haven't checked blogs in forever (ie, years) but just looked at this today.
it's been a month since you posted this, wondering how you are doing...

1:40 AM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

hey - I haven't checked blogs in forever (ie, years) but just looked at this today.
it's been a month since you posted this, wondering how you are doing...

1:41 AM  
Blogger Kylee said...

Basically I am fine :) with depression (a family trait) combined with hormonal issues are a recipe for a roller coaster of irrational feelings and thoughts. Working on getting a handle on it…I guess I am just glad that I “know” it is irrational - Kylee

8:54 AM  
Blogger Kylee said...

Thanks for asking :) I hope all is well with you.

8:54 AM  

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