Monday, January 29, 2007

I know where some of it comes from

Bryan's
post got me thinking..yet again about this....(talk about self obsessed)


I know that sometimes I am self obsessed and think that I will walk into a place and be the laugh of everyone. I think about it and know that the world does not revolve around me...and get over it. It takes time..but it does work.

I know where these feelings come from...at least in part.

When I was 2 years old my parents looked at me and noticed that there was something wrong with my eyes......I had a condition called "lazy eye", "crossed eyed" or the other name Strabimus. I was put into glasses - thick glasses. When I was 4 or 5 I was operated on...again glasses with a patch over one eye.....

I stared school with very thick lenses....I was teased very much. The focus that was put on me was about my glasses for what felt like each and every time I walked into a room.

As a kid you don't have a clear understanding of what is happening..... your perception is not reality, it all feels so drastic and dramatic to you. You just know you are a focus and what feels like "everyone" is looking and laughing at you all the time.

As I grew up I was the tallest, most developed girl around....not only that I had many many freckles and "odd" green eyes, all of which made for GREAT teasing points.

All these things are to my benefit NOW, I thank god that my parents took me into the eye doctor to get my eyes fixed......but as a child all of these things were to my detriment... I never learned how to stick up for myself or to believe that those kids were just cruel....I took the teasing over and over again and it hurt ALOT. I worked very hard at doing for others just to be a person that people would like.

I do not believe that I am the focus in any situation in fact it has been my practice to make sure that I am not. I may be self obsessed at times...but its not because I really believe that anything revolves around me...its because I want to make sure that IT NEVER does....not even a little bit.

I hope that I am teaching Steve to accept others for what they are and not pick them apart in anyway. We are all unique and we are all special, we are all weird to SOMEONE.....



btw...I hope everyone is having a great week and I will try to visit soon!!

8 Comments:

Blogger JD's Rose said...

Guess what my dear... I had exactly the same thing. Lazy eye. Big glasses. Patch for a year. It's all good. I bet your eyes are bootiful now!

3:26 AM  
Blogger Meow said...

Having a Lazy Eye must have been a common thing. I had one too, but it righted itself without any treatment.
I hope you are having a great week.
Take care, Meow

3:38 AM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I can identify. I, too, have a lazy eye, but it wasn’t diagnosed until I was in college. Since then the left lens of my glasses contains a prism that makes it thick and (until the development of plastic lenses) very heavy.

7:28 PM  
Blogger si said...

well, 4 for 4. i too have (still) a lazy eye. wore a patch for a year, major glasses with prisms. i can control it (the lazy one) for the most part but if i need to really see something (i.e. read), i know i use the original dominant eye and the other eye "floats". at the time (i was 5), my mother did not want me to have surgery and it was "fixed" cosmetically, for the most part, with the aforementioned patch/prisms.

and i think i'm right there with you on the self-absorbed thing -- don't want to be noticed in a negative way.

2:40 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I try to teach "A" the same as you teach Steve. We are all unique & individual, and special :o)

4:11 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

i loved this post. i was teased when i was a kid and i think it builds character. it has also turned me into a bleeding heart who will kick any 6 year old bully's ass any day of the week.

you would think people would quit acting like A-Holes once they got into the real world, but i went to a party on saturday where i didn't know anyone. there was a group of girls pointing and whipsering and giggling at me. i found out later they were trying to figure out if my boobs were real. EFF YOU GIRLS. i sat in a corner all alone and was brought back to 6th grade. i couldn't get out of there fast enough.

everyone is unique and special and weird. there are some people, though, that are just A-holes.

7:33 AM  
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