Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Guarded

and disappointed...is the best way I can describe how I feel about dating.....

I went on my first "real" date since my divorce. I wanted to go on this "date". I do use the term lightly because we had only met each other on line before this meeting.

Maybe I am just not ready. I think it went "alright"....sometimes when I think about it....I get the feeling he really just wanted it to be over and to go away....I don't know if I will ever hear from him again...and I would like to.

Me guarded and awkward, Him confident and disappointed...is how I saw us that night...all in all not a good combination.

I don't think my growing but still very low self esteem/confidence can handle the rejection that comes with dating...I mean really how am I ever going to get a second date if I am so guarded and on edge that I just can't be myself.

I will go out with the other guy this week...I think I can handle that..but there may not be much in the way of dates for me in the near future I don't think I have a strong enough hide for it yet......I honestly don't think I was as worried about what he thought or how I was during the evening....but I know I was not as comfortable as I SHOULD be to be me, to be in my own skin. In my image of what the evening was going to bring I was much more outgoing than what happened in reality.

So now I am the one disappointed. And I find myself trying to think of ways to get him to see the real me...because like I said if I get him to spend some time getting to know me...who could help but like me 8) Of course I now know that I can't "make" anyone spend time with me...they either want to or don't....so given my "first" impressions ability..I don't see much in the way of second dates coming my way.


In other news...I have talked to Steve every day. So far everything seems to be going well. I miss him...I feel lost without him....Lonely really...very very lonely.

I hope everyone has a great week.

3 Comments:

Blogger Michelle said...

I wouldn't want anyone spending time with me if they didn't want to. Life is too short, you deserve to be happy. I'm sure once you've been on a few dates, you will become much more confident. And really, if a guy likes you and really cares, he'll make the effort to make you comfortable, as you said yourself....you are worth it!! :o)

3:56 AM  
Blogger Malika said...

Take your time, you are not going to meet mr right on the first date. Sometimes you have to meet a bunch before you find the one. Good luck with this coming up date. Glad to hear that Steve is having fun. Have a good day. :)

10:01 AM  
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10:01 PM  

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