Daddy Visits
Well someday I will tell the whole story but for right now I just wanted to share my moment of heart break.
On December 21st Steve and I fly down to Southern Cal so that he can spend a few days with his dad, his dads new girl friend or fiance as he is waiting for his divorce to be final ...Ours hasn't even been final for a year yet. The girlfriend has two kids and I was explaining that things are a little different for dad since the last time he visited. New state, new home, new girlfriend and 2 new kids in the house. So naturally Steve was asking me questions. I have found that my son deals with these upheavals much better if he kind of has an idea of what to expect and I think I am very good at explaining things to him without beating up his dad - a lot of tough biting. Anyway he told me a couple of days ago he was nervous about his visit with dad. Yesterday I sent his dad an email...Giving him the literature about the speech therapy, Steve's report card and asking about the girlfriends kids so I could tell Steve about them...And letting him know that Steve was slightly nervous. Well I did not get a response but Steve go a call and from what I could tell it went well. But I am starting to see some of the natural attitude that happens with visiting one parent and then another......That I have been told to expect.
Yesterday we were getting ready to spend the night with one of our cousins because today we are going to go to see a small production of the Nutcracker - The Everett production instead of the big Seattle one.
I said "ok Steve its time for a bath so we can get ready to go spend the night with Kelly"-- he said "I just don't want to do anything with you just my daddy" hmmm ok...so my heart breaks just a little. I know its just a thing....That happens. I just said "Well," taking a big cleansing breath, "I know you miss daddy and you will be going to see him soon...But in the mean time we are going to go have some fun" reluctantly he said "ok" and stalked off to take his bath.
Last night at bed time he told me "mom I had fun today I am glad we came to Kelly's house to spend the night". I just gave him a big hug and told him I was glad too. The first thing he says to me everyday and the last thing he says every night is "mommy I love you". Then during the day we say that a lot too...Its funny when he says "mommy we say that a lot don't we...Yeah because we love each other so much". I get that and it warms my heart. His dad used to call him everyday and now he does not...I ask Steve if he wants to call his dad and he tells me no.
Its hard for me because I know that his dad choose alcohol and drugs over his family....I know that we are much better off now...And Steve will get some quality attention from his dad when he visits..Because they are short visits. But I also know that my son misses his dad and the moments of attention he did get when we lived in the same house and the same state.
Each day is a learning experience.....And my son teaches me the hardest lessons of all. My job is to make sure the choices of his parents effect him as little as possible.
On December 21st Steve and I fly down to Southern Cal so that he can spend a few days with his dad, his dads new girl friend or fiance as he is waiting for his divorce to be final ...Ours hasn't even been final for a year yet. The girlfriend has two kids and I was explaining that things are a little different for dad since the last time he visited. New state, new home, new girlfriend and 2 new kids in the house. So naturally Steve was asking me questions. I have found that my son deals with these upheavals much better if he kind of has an idea of what to expect and I think I am very good at explaining things to him without beating up his dad - a lot of tough biting. Anyway he told me a couple of days ago he was nervous about his visit with dad. Yesterday I sent his dad an email...Giving him the literature about the speech therapy, Steve's report card and asking about the girlfriends kids so I could tell Steve about them...And letting him know that Steve was slightly nervous. Well I did not get a response but Steve go a call and from what I could tell it went well. But I am starting to see some of the natural attitude that happens with visiting one parent and then another......That I have been told to expect.
Yesterday we were getting ready to spend the night with one of our cousins because today we are going to go to see a small production of the Nutcracker - The Everett production instead of the big Seattle one.
I said "ok Steve its time for a bath so we can get ready to go spend the night with Kelly"-- he said "I just don't want to do anything with you just my daddy" hmmm ok...so my heart breaks just a little. I know its just a thing....That happens. I just said "Well," taking a big cleansing breath, "I know you miss daddy and you will be going to see him soon...But in the mean time we are going to go have some fun" reluctantly he said "ok" and stalked off to take his bath.
Last night at bed time he told me "mom I had fun today I am glad we came to Kelly's house to spend the night". I just gave him a big hug and told him I was glad too. The first thing he says to me everyday and the last thing he says every night is "mommy I love you". Then during the day we say that a lot too...Its funny when he says "mommy we say that a lot don't we...Yeah because we love each other so much". I get that and it warms my heart. His dad used to call him everyday and now he does not...I ask Steve if he wants to call his dad and he tells me no.
Its hard for me because I know that his dad choose alcohol and drugs over his family....I know that we are much better off now...And Steve will get some quality attention from his dad when he visits..Because they are short visits. But I also know that my son misses his dad and the moments of attention he did get when we lived in the same house and the same state.
Each day is a learning experience.....And my son teaches me the hardest lessons of all. My job is to make sure the choices of his parents effect him as little as possible.
posted by Kylee at
10:30 AM
3 Comments:
wow. I can't imagine going through this experience. I don't know how people don't break into a million pieces, and I don't know how kids hold up at all. But they do...
hang in there!
Thanks. I can say that there are times I feel as if we are both falling to pieces. But we muddle through and keeping him happy and healthy keep me going. His smiles and hugs make it all worth wild.
i feel for you. i have issues with where the kids stay, etc, but nothing like what you have to deal with...
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