Communication is important in any relationship. We have all heard that men and women communicate differently and is one reason relationships end.
I always hear jokes about how when a man says he wants to watch the game – it just means he wants to watch the game and women will often think something along the lines that he is unhappy with her or uninterested in her. Women often read between the lines and try interpreting what is being said and many times they are wrong in their interpretation.
Since the BF and I have both been divorced we have both gone through the reflecting to try and see what went wrong, what we could do to improve future relationships. The BF has said that one of his issues is communication and he is working hard to make sure he is clear and that he is also a good listener.
Here is an example ….
Me – I am sorry I did not want to dance tonight I just didn’t feel like it. I really did not like having to say no like 100 times.
BF – I am sorry I didn’t know.
Me – but I said it.
BF – I am still learning your signals.
Me – ok what could I do differently to be clearer?
BF – Well what was your signal?
Me – Well when I said “No, I really don’t want to dance tonight”
BF – ohhh
Granted I generally don’t like to dance because I am too self-conscious and I am working through that slowly. I have danced other times we have gone out but I had a few drinks before hand. On this particular night I had not had a drink in a few hours and was very happy with the conversation and people watching.
But see we are communicating –
6 Comments:
it's good he is aware of it! that kind of stuff drives me crazy. my boyfriend always says "how'm i supposed to know if you don't want to do something?" and i say "because i say no" and he will say "yeah, but how am i supposed to know if no means no? let's pick a word so i know that you mean no." and then i say, "great idea! how about the word 'NO'?"
honestly, it is like you have to pick a "safe word" for things other than sex nowadays.
one possibility: BF might have been hinting that he *really* wanted to dance, and wanting you to say "oh, okay, let's dance" when u realized how much he wanted to. or something.
in defense of crystal's guy, i would ask this: which gender is more well-known for saying one thing when they mean another? how many guys have heard something like this:
"I know I said I didn't want you to get me anything for [insert occasion], but I didn't expect you to *believe* me, for G_d's sake!"
In fact, women regularly put up little tests (see previous excellent and hilarious post by crystal) and obstacles solely for the purpose of seeing if their guy (or someone trying to get to know them) can navigate them successfully. It's a way for women to weed out losers, mama's boys, other non-alpha guys -- and/or to test if guys will love them like their girlfriends love them, which is why we fail so much -- and a lot of the time, women don't even realize they're doing it...
(Just my $.02)
Hey kylee, i hope things are going well and you come back soon to let us know how you're going :o)
funny
Haha sorry to say but your bf was very dumb according to me. But it's not his fault. God give bfs less mind. That's the reason I have seen many woman who understand what their man wants before he tell her but man never understands feeling of a woman though she make it clearer. This is an understanding gap rather than a communication gap.
I agree about your thought on communication
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