Thursday, June 01, 2006

Jury Duty

Jury duty is over and I made it through without being put on a trial. I did go through the jury select process yesterday on a domestic violence case. I was not selected for the case in fact I was released before I even got to my seat in the box. The defense did not want me. I guess I can not blame them. The type of questions they were asking was if anyone had ever been a victim or known a victim of domestic violence. My first inkling was no I have not been a victim and I don’t really know anyone that has. My first thought was that domestic violence is physical in nature. But then they mentioned the definition of domestic violence includes and is not limited to physical abuse, emotional and verbal abuse. Well….I thought well…yes then I guess I have been a victim. Most if not all alcoholics are perpetrators of emotional and verbal abuse….I mean they can’t handle themselves let alone relationships with others…its almost a given that people who live with these people suffer at the very least from verbal and emotional abuse.

In this case the prosecutor asked me how long I was married, how long I felt I was a victim of such abuse and then asked me why I stayed as long as I did. The questioning continued from me to others as to whether or not they understood why a woman would stay with a domestic abuser…..I stayed a lot longer than I probably should have……and I probably would have stayed longer except he was involving other women. So I was dismissed. I guess the defense wants to be able to say that the Mrs could not have been abused…if she had she would have left……yeah right….

Emotional and Verbal abuse are a strange thing to understand and grasp. I remember wishing at different times during my marriage that my ex would just hit me or have an affair….really give me a reason to leave. The alcohol, drugs and abuse were not enough…I mean those were things I had to live with….those things were just as much my fault as his. It’s hard to explain even now. Does it make sense….probably not…but it did to me and it does even now. Crazy huh….

But I think I am feeling better about it all….I think…I really think that whenever I get into another relationship I will be able to recognize that signs and see the patterns and know to get out instead of staying and telling myself that it was just me and that I am too sensitive. I think I will not accept that behavior again.

I think if I had been in the jury situation I was in yesterday and had to speak about these things a year ago…I would have broke down with shame and embarrassment…but yesterday I did not falter…..I was too quiet speaking but then that is always a problem for me….at least the judge did not have not have to ask me to speak up.

There is a shining light…..I wish I could help others…..I just don’t know how and maybe that is because it is still too soon for me right now. I won’t forget and I will continue look within myself and outside to see what I can do and still be fair to myself and Steve.

Anyway…..just another learning experience for me….Have a great weekend!!


Blogger Michelle said...

Congratulations! It's a long long process to be fully healed after any form of abuse. You're a superstar who appears to be well on the way :o)

10:56 PM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

you're not the first to need a little time and distance to recognize abusive patterns in a relationship.
you're a great person. i'm glad you're no longer being treated otherwise.

9:04 PM  

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