Wednesday, January 25, 2006

It made me think....

I was involved in a conversation this week with a couple of co-workers and I have been thinking about it a bit…and I hope that I convey it intelligently. One of my co-workers was expressing her observations about how people react to social situations. The example was that there were two ends of the spectrum; people that were very self conscious thus self involved and those that were self assured and not self involved.

Lets say someone goes to a party and is very self conscious; they will worry and get panicked by the situation; wondering what people are thinking about them, saying about them, worried that they might say or do the wrong thing. The whole time being consumed by what they feel might happen to them, about them during this social event. Not ever being able to relax and have good time.

On the other hand, someone on the other end of the spectrum may feel very self confident and not worry about how things relate to them but they are concerned with how everything else is. Is everyone else having a good time, is there need for someone to go to the store and get more food, snacks or drinks as well as wanting to make sure that someone that is on their own is having a good time.

I thought that this was a very interesting conversation and I think I agreed with most of it. Later I was talking to the other co-worker and I (being self conscious and having it all be about me) was analyzing myself in that type of situation and this is what I came up with.

In a social situation I am (although I know I should not be) worried about how I represent myself, so worried about what people think which pertains to how I look as well as how I act and speak. But I also worry about everything else too. I usually am one of the first to help clean up, to help fill the punch bowl or refill the food tray or make sure that everyone has what they need. I usually draw the line at trying to initiate conversation with the person that is sitting off at the corner again because I am “afraid” of doing something stupid. I keep busy and try to take my mind off of my own insecurities.

I also will “relax” the longer that I am in the situation and be more comfortable. I think that is why I have always done well in a professional environment. Sure I have issues when I am first presented with a situation but because it has to do with my job, I do it because I feel that I “have” to and in time I don’t feel so threatened by it. It all has to do with how confident I am in a situation and the longer I am in it the better off I am.

My brother recently asked me why I was this way….I did not used to be. I used to walk onto a place and not worry sooo much about what thoughts people may be having about me. Now it is the first concern I have....as if I was the only one in the room…how arrogant is that huh.....

I know where it comes from and I am working on getting over it. When I was married we did not go to social events very often. If we did then it was for a very short time and every move I made was analyzed and more often then not it was criticized or I was made fun of by my husband. I think I “learned” that as long as I was quiet and kept a low profile I was not the butt of all his sarcasms and criticisms, and I would get good attention instead of the negative attention from him. He would say I was too sensitive. I believe I am a sensitive person but I have never been so self involved as I am now. Although I say…”It’s all about me” …I mean right now my world is all about me and my son but I don’t mean that I truly think that everything that goes on around me “is all about me”…but that is how I react to things sometimes….AS IF…Its not even reasonable…that is what is so frustrating about those times.

BUT the good news is that I am doing things to make that better….I went out to the bar…..Steve and I went to a new friends house for dinner and I am putting myself out there around home and around Steve’s school. The more I do that…and don’t get burned by the person that is supposed to love me most or anyone else for that matter the better I will feel about things and stop thinking that what happens in life is “all about me”…

It is amazing how if you “work” on it…it gets better. If you just take chances…it helps. I could have just crawled under a rock within my marriage, but didn’t. I could have crawled under a rock within the four walls that are my home…but then that is not what “I want for ME” either so I have to do something about it…I am.

The other thing I realize is the more I talk the better I feel and the more I learn. Thanks to all!!!

6 Comments:

Blogger Michelle said...

Very interesting. I'm strange (sshh, yo don't have to agree!), i am very much the confident person when it comes to work...clients and friends. However, get me in a room of people i don't know in a social/party situation, i suck LOL. I worry about my appearance...if i will make a big dope of myself etc.

9:29 PM  
Blogger Kylee said...

I am strange too...so we have another thing in common...happy to share these things with you Michelle :)

5:41 AM  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

Hmmm, maybe the less you think about it, the easier it will be. Maybe?

I don't know. I tend to think that if I think too much about something, then I am thinking about every thing and analysing my own reactions to other things. If I don't think about things, then I am more myself. Over all though, I'm a pretty extroverted person. Does any of that make sense though?

3:58 AM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Taking risks, especially social—people—risks, isn’t easy for a lot of people. By nature I am an introvert; it took a lot of work—and risking—to get to the point were I felt comfortable in areas that other people are naturally at ease in.

8:01 PM  
Blogger Kylee said...

Jd:Yeah the less I think about it the better off I am. I have been told I over analyze and I tend to agree...half the battle is admitting you have a problem right :)

Nick: I too am an introvert...I just never used to get so panicked over it...its getting better so thats good.

10:03 PM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

i started way over on the insecure end of the spectrum. i've changed a lot -- now i think the people i meet wish i'd go back to the quiet introverted side... ;-)

9:03 PM  

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