Sunday, April 02, 2006

The end of another weekend....

Well I have to take back what I said before...I know now what has been ailing me and its just a bit early...This took me way by surprise. I am feeling better but it really does suck to have such irrational feelings. Being a female sucks big time.

My sister is recovering fine. Can't wait to eat her first pizza. Next weekend is her birthday and Steve and I are going to take her to the Mariners game. I love baseball. I love the Mariners. Its Dan Wilson farewell night...sad to see him go he is a great catcher and he's cute.

Steve is slightly better. We skipped T-Ball practice on Saturday. He did great during the last practice. His first game is on Tuesday but we shall see if he plays....he might not go through with it.

He has been sleeping in his own bed since the night he was 6. Its pretty amazing...I did not think he would make the transition so seamlessly. Every once in awhile he says he gets lonely when he sleeps alone...but he's got his tiger to keep him company he just has to hold on to it all night.

I ended up going out last night. It was my scheduled night out with my single mom friend for my once a month outing. Wasn't planning on going. My parents and my sister were not available for sitting with Steve......But my brother was home and not going anywhere..he is still recovering. Then I still didn't really want to go..the whole moody thing and then my single mom friend is no longer single. She has a new guy. She met him online on He went with us..he drove. Another young girl went with us. She is 22 and deaf. She is as cute as a button. She had a good time too. It was nice to hang out with them. Seeing someone deal with a handicap such as no hearing...really brings things into perspective. I mean gosh darn it what am I so down about. Why am I such a social phobic.....Things could be much more challenging. This girl is beautiful with a wondrous smile that permeates from within her. Its real and its strong. She lives on her own and takes care of herself......she does it all and she is so young. Wow....

Today we were thinking about going to the zoo again....but Steve didn't want to go anywhere....and I was tired so who am I to argue. I did laundry, continued to recover the house from last weekends birthday party and organized my closet.

This week is going to be another challenging week at work. The next two weeks (maybe 3) are actually going to be challenging because this week is the week before the upgrade, next week is the week I am performing the upgrade....then the week after. I am sure it will go ok...fine and good actually. I will just be glad when it is over. Of course Steve's spring break is right there in the midst of it all. If things go really well...maybe I will actually get to take some time off with him. Wishfull thinking probably.

For me I need to get over my fear of meeting new people.....whats the worst that can happen they find out I am a fraud, someone who is not really scared of her own shadow...gee big deal huh.

Steve told me this weekend that he NEEDS a step dad...where do kids get these ideas. Man. Owell I told him that I thought that the two of us were doing pretty good...and he said yeah..but a step dad would be nice. I hate to tell him that the idea of having that type of relationship with someone again does not even seem like a possibility to me. The idea scares me and is something I seem to be avoiding at all cost. I know I know...time

Anyway...I hope all is well in blogland. Have a GREAT WEEK.


Anonymous lawbrat said...

I hear ya on how kids come up with stuff. Its crazy what their minds think of.

I have taken study breaks and read most of your site. I have really enjoyed getting to know what you put out there. What a good mom you are, how you handle the ups and downs of single parenting, taking time to realize you have alot to be thankful for.

I usually throw myself a pity party for awhile, then realize what I DO have, and how blessed I truly am. My pity partys have gotten shorter and shorter ;-)

Huge difference between pity party and venting. As humans, keeping everything inside is toxic, getting it out is good. Allowing help in our lives is good. Took me a long time to learn this lesson.

As for relationships- I couldnt go there for a long time after divorcing. Had alot of dates, had fun, took time to figure 'me' out, and now I can say I do like me. Its been over 5 years since the divorce and I wouldnt trade my learning experience for anything.
I met a wonderful man, we've been together almost 2 years, and had alot of rough times. God has gotten us through, and keeps getting us through.
I also realize that i'll never be 'finished' being the best me I can be.

I tell you this, just to show that time is what it takes. Not to mention therapy ;-) You are a great mommy to Steve, and saying that is not something I say without it being true (from what I read here). I just wanted to give you kudos for being you.


1:50 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I’m glad your sister is recovering OK. I’ll still keep her in my prayers.

I am also glad you were able to go out with your friend. She sounds like a neat person. Many years ago—at least 45—I dated a young woman whom was hearing impaired. I was just beginning to learn American Sign so we could better communicate when she won a scholarship to another university and we lost track of one another.

I hope Steve plays in tomorrow’s game and has a positive experience!

8:26 PM  

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