Monday, January 09, 2006

Well I should have known it was coming....

Since being back from the cabin Steve and I have had some challenges and I have wondered where they come from. He has been having fits, arguing a lot, yelling at me....just angry.

I have tried to talk to him and ask him what is wrong...but he is not talking..he says he doesn't know and maybe he doesn't.

Tonight after we read our book and I was online...he was going to sleep he decided he wanted to talk..the conversation went something like this....

Steve "Mom I wish I had a daddy"
Me "You do have a daddy and he loves you very much"
Steve"I just wish you could get married and I could have two daddys"
"Maybe you could marry Blakes daddy"
Me....what do you say?? "Honey mommy is not going to marry Blakes daddy, you have a daddy and he loves you very much"
Steve"I wish I had a daddy that could hear me cry when I sleep by myself"

(oh yeah Steve is still sleeping with me...with the whole transition...separation anxiety..its just been easier..for now anyway, but when he was at his dads he slept by himself in a room with the new girlfriends kids)

Me....hard to ask these types of questions...I try really hard not to ask what happens at dads....I don't want him to feel like he has to "tell" or not "tell"...I want him to tell or share on his own.

Me "did you cry at daddys and he did not hear you"....
Steve crying...mumbling...cant understand...

Steve"Mom I just changed my mind...I want my daddy". "I just want you and my daddy".

Yeah..thats tough.

I know this is just a by product of the split and the visitation. I guess I could have stayed in Texas...but life was awful when were there.....and he moved to California anyway after he got fired. I know I did the right thing by leaving and moving back here...but it is tough to see my little boy so broken up about it.

Usually he is fine...but with each visitation we go through some things...its all new and each time he visits his dad he has a new thing to deal with. I just hope and pray that I handle things right while he is here.....his dad is a pretty good part time dad....and he has a great time when he is there...and dad behaves himself because the visits are short.....uggg...I hate this part.


Blogger jay are said...

I can't imagine going through this. I don't know how people do it. It would be SO heartbreaking to know that your child is suffering and trying to understand things that are beyond his understanding :(....Hard. Good luck. Somehow it all works out.

1:56 PM  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

It certainly is a rough situation. I wish I had an answer. I do know that as he grows older and his awareness increases, it will probably get better.

4:46 PM  
Blogger Kylee said...

jay are/nick;
Thanks...lots of time and love I guess..understanding too.

5:47 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Your a very clever young woman not wanting to drill him for questions about his father.
Everything you've posted is perfectly normal, main thing is to do what your doing aware and love him to bits. Let him know he can come to you with all his fears, and listen to what he has to say. I know it is tough, it will get a little easier as time goes on. Don't feel alone, there are so many like you :)

9:21 PM  
Blogger Kylee said...

Thanks Michelle I really appreciate your words.
...its hard to know what is right...but I know in my heart putting him in the middle is not I go with that.

9:53 PM  

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